


Jailbait, Manscaping and Playing Hockey Like A Girl

by tillyenna



Series: 15-16 Draft GC [37]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Chat Logs, M/M, No Fourth Wall, real life events referenced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28962615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillyenna/pseuds/tillyenna
Summary: Chapter 1: The Avs FaBs (Fiances and Boyfriends)Chapter 2: The main chatChapter 3: The kids chatChapter 4: Team pining.
Relationships: Claude Giroux/Danny Briere, Connor McDavid/Leon Draisaitl, Dylan Strome/Alex DeBrincat, Eddie Lack/Robert Luongo, Erik Johnson/OMC, Jeff Carter/Mike Richards, Matthew Strome/Ryan McLeod, Matthew Tkachuk/Everyone, Michael Latta/Tom Wilson, Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews, Sidney Crosby/Nathan MacKinnon, Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick, cale makar/carter hart
Series: 15-16 Draft GC [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776370
Comments: 54
Kudos: 148





	1. FaBs Chat

Sid:

| 

YOU THOUGHT I GOT LUCKY!?!?!!  
  
---|---  
  
Carter:

| 

Why are you watching my postgames?  
  
Carter:

| 

I also said you’re one of the best players in the world  
  
Paul:

| 

Oooof “one of” burnnnnnnn  
  
Sid:

| 

“One of” is fine, it’s me and Nate  
  
Sid:

| 

Also I’m watching this purely for chirping purposes  
  
Sid:

| 

b/cause the way your face goes so soft on “the best offseason”  
  
Carter:

| 

SHUT UP OK?  
  
Carter:

| 

You’d be saying the same if it was the offseason you got together with Nate  
  
Sid:

| 

Fair I guess  
  
Paul:

| 

So…. Erik’s told me I’m not allowed to google you @Carter, so now I’m kind of curious  
  
Sid:

| 

LMAO yeah don’t  
  
Carter:

| 

Wait, what? Why?  
  
Sid:

| 

His crush on your boyfriend is bad enough  
  
Sid:

| 

You’re like 200% Paul’s type  
  
Carter:

| 

I am?  
  
Paul:

| 

I should probably mention at this point that Erik really ISN’T my type  
  
Paul:

| 

… love him anyway obviously…  
  
Paul:

| 

EXCEPT NOT AT THE MOMENT BECAUSE HE’S BEEN QUARENTINED IN THE HOUSE  
  
Sid:

| 

Ouch.  
  
Sid:

| 

24/7 EJ is a lot to process  
  
Sid:

| 

Also, it’s not googling him if I send you pics right?  
  
Carter:

| 

WHAT?  
  
Sid:

|   
  
Carter:

| 

WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU FIND THAT?  
  
Sid:

| 

Google?  
  
Carter:

| 

That is ooooold, I don’t look like that anymore  
  
Sid:

| 

Sorry. Is this one better?  
  
Sid:

|   
  
Carter:

| 

I literally hate you SO MUCH right now  
  
Paul:

| 

On the bright side…  
  
Paul:

| 

YOU AND CALE MUST BE THE MOST PRECIOUS COUPLE IN THE WHOLE WORLD  
  
Carter:

| 

Also, @Sid did you watch the Avs game after our game finished?  
  
Sid:

| 

OBVIOUSLY  
  
Carter:

| 

Ugh, so many goals getting pat binnington…. Makes me so happy  
  
Sid:

| 

We should make Paul come visit us when we have games v each other  
  
Sid:

| 

And then have Avs watching parties  
  
Paul:

| 

I still don’t completely understand the rules  
  
Sid:

| 

FFS Paul…


	2. The Big Chat

EJ:

| 

@SID WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SENDING PICTURES OF CALE’S BOYFRIEND TO MY FIANCE?  
  
---|---  
  
Sid:

| 

XD  
  
Sid:

| 

Because I can…  
  
Sid:

| 

FaBs bonding time?  
  
EJ:

| 

Look, I’ve been working OVERTIME to keep him away from Hartsy  
  
Hartsy:

| 

While we’re airing stuf  
  
Hartsy:

| 

@Nate why is YOUR boyfriend watching postgames of CALE’S boyfriend  
  
Sid:

| 

Told you. Chirping :P  
  
Nate:

| 

Eh, sid lives for hockey content  
  
TK:

| 

Did you just refer to yourself as Cale’s boyfriend?  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I mean… I am… so?  
  
Sid:

| 

Also, Mikko looked SO BORED in the postgame because Nate got all the questions  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Tbf postgames where there’s two of you and you get like, one question  
  
TK:

| 

THE WORST  
  
TK:

| 

ALSO, WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME YOU’RE ALLOWED TO BE RUDE TO MEDIA DICKS?  
  
Sid:

| 

You’re not.  
  
TK:

| 

JAKEY WAS  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Technically they can’t STOP us  
  
Lu:

| 

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7O6mpfkea4&ab](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7O6mpfkea4&ab)  
  
Lu:

| 

I think torts spends most of his salary on paying fines for his media conduct  
  
Lu:

| 

🤣  
  
TBear:

| 

EJ, are you adding to your jailbait roster?  
  
EJ:

| 

???  
  
TBear:

| 

The media team are pushing you & Bo  
  
EJ:

| 

😂  
  
Gabe:

| 

Damnit no!  
  
Gabe:

| 

EJ STOP collecting the rookies as your jail bait.  
  
EJ:

| 

Look, if the jailbait rookies flock to me, I can’t help it.  
  
Sammy:

| 

It’s because we love you the best 😉  
  
Cale:

| 

I’m still refusing to be part of your jailbait rookie club  
  
EJ:

| 

OUTRAGED. YOU ARE MY SON  
  
TBear:

| 

He only says that so you call him Daddy  
  
EJ:

| 

GET OUT TYSON :P  
  
TBear:

| 

Look, he’s stolen my number, I get to object to your new jailbait  
  
Nate:

| 

They didn’t let us overrule him 😭😭  
  
EJ:

| 

Besides, he is like, 17 different kinds of adorable  
  
Cale:

| 

He’s not THAT adorable.  
  
Cale:

| 

He’s just like… a regular player  
  
Gabe:

| 

Are you JEALOUS Cale?  
  
Sammy:

| 

EJ has another baby rookie to care for no? It’s natural for Cale to be jealous  
  
Cale:

| 

You shut up  
  
Cale:

| 

You’re not even my real mom :P  
  
TBear:

| 

I’m dead.  
  
EJ:

| 

I promise I don’t love the baby rookie more than I love you juice.  
  
Cale:

| 

Good.  
  
Danny:

| 

How do you DO it?  
  
Danny:

| 

Like, for real, the jailbait seem to flock to you.  
  
EJ:

| 

It’s my superpower  
  
Sid:

| 

He’s collecting them for Paul  
  
EJ:

| 

Shhhhhhh  
  
EJ:

| 

I 100% blame YOU for the fact my fiancé is a flyers fan now  
  
Hartsy:

| 

😇  
  
Cale:

| 

Is THAT why he keeps texting me asking me for pics of you?  
  
EJ:

| 

🤦‍♂️  
  
Chucky:

| 

MY question is though  
  
Chucky:

| 

How manscaped is your team 😉  
  
Howdy:

| 

LMAO I love the fact the flames had to clarify that they’re looking for a manscaping partner  
  
Chucky:

| 

I can’t believe the habs have admitted that they DO have a manscaping partner  
  
Cartsy:

| 

One of those times when they league is unintentionally way gayer than it means to be  
  
Richie:

| 

Hockey… simultaneously the gayest and the most homophobic sport  
  
Lacko:

| 

You can say THAT again.  
  
Matts:

| 

Let’s make it MORE GAY  
  
Matts:

| 

@Mitchy <https://twitter.com/alisa_vasy/status/1351998830431133697?s=21>  
  
Marns:

| 

OMG I WOULD LOOK SO ADORABLE  
  
Matts:

| 

You look adorable anyway  
  
Cale:

| 

Ok, but imagine if we all had them  
  
Cale:

| 

IMAGINE HOW MUCH CUTER HOCKEY WOULD BE  
  
Marns:

| 

Miaow  
  
Claude:

| 

@Teeks if you don’t get these for Haysie and Patty…. I absolutely will  
  
Teeks:

| 

OMG IMAGINE HOW MAD NOLLY WILL GET  
  
Teeks:

| 

LET’S DO IT  
  
Teeks:

| 

I feel haysie would just happily wear them :D  
  
Teeks:

| 

It adds to their bigcat babycat romance  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Romance?  
  
Teeks:

| 

Like a friend romance? Is there a word for that?  
  
Hartsy:

| 

It’s friendship teeks.  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Also Bromance.  
  
Teeks:

| 

Yeah but every “bromance” I’ve ever seen has actually just been like… a couple still in the closet  
  
Teeks:

| 

I think a bromance is fake news  
  
Stromer:

| 

He kind of has a point  
  
Stromer:

| 

ARE THERE EVEN ANY BROMANCES LEFT?  
  
Davo:

| 

I would argue WE’RE a bromance  
  
Stromer:

| 

😍😍😍  
  
Stromer:

| 

Baeeeeee  
  
Stromer:

| 

If we were a bromance…. Would you have fucked my brother?  
  
McLeod:

| 

😂😂😂 Dyls is NEVER going to let that die.  
  
Teeks:

| 

But an actual two straight buddies bromance?  
  
Teeks:

| 

FAKE NEWS  
  
Howdy:

| 

Holy shit, did they really just penalise a bunch of caps players for being in the same hotel room?!?!  
  
Wilso:

| 

☹  
  
Wilso:

| 

We’re allowed to hug each other on the ice  
  
Wilso:

| 

We fucking spit next to each other on the bench  
  
Wilso:

| 

But god forbid we hang out on our own time  
  
Latts:

| 

On a scale of 1-10 how pissed is Papa?  
  
Wilso:

| 

Idk, I can’t count that high…  
  
Gabe:

| 

Pissed at the league presumably?  
  
Wilso:

| 

Pissed at the league for stupid rules, pissed at mama for getting caught, pissed at the kids…  
  
Wilso:

| 

You know what he’s like.  
  
Chucky:

| 

I’m a little bit unsurprised that if a team were to get caught fraternizing  
  
Chucky:

| 

… it was you guys :P  
  
Wilso:

| 

Rude!  
  
Wilso:

| 

You’re just jealous because you know you’ll never love your boys the way we love each other  
  
Chucky:

| 

RUDE!  
  
TBear:

| 

I think it’s pretty obvious that Chucky loves at least his goalies.  
  
Chucky:

| 

🤦‍♂️ That wasn’t what I meant  
  
Stromer:

| 

I’m a little bit overwhelmed that you guys ACTUALLY call Ovechkin mama…  
  
Cale:

| 

Did you not notice he referred to “our hotel room” in his apology  
  
Cale:

| 

😂😂😂😂  
  
Cale:

| 

WHO IS HE SHARING A HOTEL ROOM WITH?  
  
Wilso:

| 

@Latts remember that time we asked Papa why he didn’t share a hotel room with Mama?  
  
Latts:

| 

He DEADASS looked Willy right in the eye, and said “Tom, you give me so much trouble, you think I want to risk more children?”  
  
Latts:

| 

😂😂😂😂😂  
  
Burky:

| 

And then they get me anyway <3  
  
Wilso:

| 

Papa says you aren’t any trouble  
  
Wilso:

| 

Except you missed your phone call last week so he WAS mad  
  
Wilso:

| 

But now he’s not mad at you anymore because “My Swedish babies would never do this to me Alex, it’s only you and your Russian babies.”  
  
Wilso:

| 

He kept going “Andre would never.”  
  
Latts:

| 

Ugh, you’re so the favourite child.  
  
Gabe:

| 

It’s the way of the youngest.  
  
Cale:

| 

HEY! AM I NOT THE YOUNGEST CHILD ANYMORE?  
  
EJ:

| 

You’re still my favourite baby-boy ok.  
  
EJ:

| 

We don’t even know if the new kid is queer. I’m not adopting a straight boy.  
  
Cale:

| 

He better not be -.-  
  
Hartsy:

| 

@SID  
  
Hartsy:

| 

DID YOU JUST KISS MALKIN’S NECK??!?!?!  
  
Sid:

| 

No?  
  
Hartsy:

| 

You… don’t sound sure…  
  
Nate:

| 

What?  
  
Sid:

| 

I’m very sure. That was a “no why would you even think that?”  
  
Hartsy:

| 

<https://zashamalkin.tumblr.com/post/641067085714374656/can-we-talk-about-this>  
  
Sid:

| 

I mean…. Now I’m not sure…  
  
Sid:

| 

DID I KISS GENO?  
  
Sid:

| 

I feel I’d have remembered it…  
  
Nate:

| 

Do you need your head checked Sid?  
  
Sid:

| 

I HAVE REMEMBERED THAT MOMENT  
  
Nate:

| 

Good?  
  
Sid:

| 

And no I didn’t kiss G  
  
Sid:

| 

I was trying to talk in his ear  
  
Sid:

| 

Only he’s fucking tall  
  
Teeks:

| 

Are you HIGH Crosby?  
  
Sid:

| 

Yes?  
  
Richie:

| 

Sid’s always high isn’t he?  
  
Claude:

| 

You do seem higher than usual right now  
  
Sid:

| 

🤷‍♂️  
  
Sid:

| 

I mean… I’m literally on the GC as I’m vaping…  
  
Sid:

| 

So maybe?  
  
Claude:

| 

Such an example to our youth  
  
Sid:

| 

Ok, probably yes, but in other news…. I found this  
  
Sid:

| 

<https://saint-patrice.tumblr.com/post/190851370983/a-neural-firing-i-will-inflict-upon-u>  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I hate you  
  
EJ:

| 

Cartest Hartest  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I hate you all  
  
Cartsy:

| 

NGL, I can’t see this going well for me either  
  
Richie:

| 

Logically it does make you jeff cartest  
  
Cartsy:

| 

And you’ve used logic precisely when in your life exactly :P  
  
Richie:

| 

Hush you  
  
Richie:

| 

Also, you better all be watching the NWHL streams on twitch when you aren’t playing  
  
Teeks:

| 

I CAN’T DECIDE WHICH TEAM TO FOLLOW  
  
Stromer:

| 

I’m just following the Rivs because they have Chelsea dagger as their goal song :D  
  
Lu:

| 

@konecny you should also be following the rivs  
  
Teeks:

| 

I should?  
  
Lu:

| 

<https://twitter.com/strongforecheck/status/1351753433112580096?s=21>  
  
Lu:

| 

Apparently babstock is the female you  
  
Teeks:

| 

😍 I LOVE HER ALREADY  
  
Chucky:

| 

WAIT, we can just watch them ON TWITCH?  
  
Howdy:

| 

Yeah, all the nwhl games are streaming for free on twitch  
  
Nate:

| 

<http://www.twitch.tv/nwhl>  
  
Chucky:

| 

Bro.  
  
Chucky:

| 

Just…  
  
Chucky:

| 

Our media REALLY don’t appreciate the quality hockey these ladies bring us  
  
Kaner:

| 

I KNOW.  
  
Sid:

| 

Pretty sure any of us would DIE in a nwhl game  
  
Tazer:

| 

Weirdly, I think Kaner could survive… but he’d be the only one  
  
Brinksy:

| 

Is Kaner so weirdly good at hockey because he plays hockey like a girl?  
  
Nate:

| 

It’s… definitely a possibility.  
  
Kaner:

| 

🤷‍♂️ I’ve seen these girls play.  
  
Kaner:

| 

I’ll take it!  
  
**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES. You can go watch FREE HOCKEY on Twitch. INCREDIBLE PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY being played by WORLD CLASS ATHLETES :D  
> (Woooo go Rivs!)


	3. The OG Chat

Chucky:

| 

@Mitchy, you know I love you right boo?  
  
---|---  
  
Marns:

| 

Yes?  
  
Chucky:

| 

<https://twitter.com/adrisidehockey/status/1352805661537693696?s=21>  
  
Chucky:

| 

You need to stop leading him on.  
  
Marns:

| 

Am I?  
  
Marns:

| 

Leading him on?  
  
Stromer:

| 

You know he likes you Mitchy  
  
Marns:

| 

I mean, it’s a possibility.  
  
Stromer:

| 

Mitchy!  
  
Marns:

| 

Ok, fine, maybe he likes me  
  
Davo:

| 

[ttps://media.giphy.com/media/myjfukPORgUTA9TLfi/giphy.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/myjfukPORgUTA9TLfi/giphy.gif)  
  
Davo:

| 

He adores you Mitch.  
  
Baby M:

| 

From an outsider perspective  
  
Baby M:

| 

JT is SO into you Marns  
  
Baby S:

| 

^ what he said  
  
Marns:

| 

What should I do????  
  
Matts:

| 

The real question is, are you into him?  
  
Marns:

| 

I… don’t know.  
  
Brinks:

| 

How do you not know?  
  
Marns:

| 

It’s complicated ok.  
  
Matts:

| 

You need to make up your mind Mouse  
  
Stromer:

| 

Or talk to him at least!  
  
Marns:

| 

I will ok. I promise.  
  
Marns:

| 

I’m texting him now.


	4. Team Pining

JT:

| 

Oh shit.  
  
---|---  
  
Segs:

| 

???  
  
JT:

| 

He just texted me saying he wants to talk  
  
JT:

| 

In private.  
  
Staalsy:

| 

Marner!?!?  
  
JT:

| 

Yes.  
  
Staalsy:

| 

Well shit.  
  
JT:

| 

@McLeod, TELL ME YOU KNOW SOMETHING!?!?  
  
McLeod:

| 

Sorry. He’s being tight lipped on all the chats.  
  
Segs:

| 

When are you gonna talk?  
  
Segs:

| 

CAN you even talk in private?  
  
JT:

| 

We’re about to be on a roadie.  
  
JT:

| 

I’ve said I’ll go to his hotel room  
  
Staalsy:

| 

REALLY?  
  
Staalsy:

| 

After everything with the Caps?  
  
JT:

| 

Look, it’ll be fine.  
  
Segs:

| 

Just keep us updated ok JT?  
  
JT:

| 

Obviously!  
  
**Author's Note:**

> come ask me g/c headcannons on my tumblr btw [@princesstillyenna](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/princesstillyenna)
> 
> p.s. I love the support SO MUCH for this fic, but just for the next few weeks or so, the production might slow a bit. I solemnly swear that if I ever ABANDON groupchat, I won't do it without telling you.


End file.
